Married Men's Score

(NOTE: a score of "0" means it was expected of him)
Simple Duties------------* You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty-liners with wings: +5* But return with beer: -5* You check out a suspicious noise at night: 0* You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing: 0* You check out a suspicious noise and it's something: +5* You pummel it with a six iron: +10* It's her father: -10
Social Engagements------------------* You stay by her side the entire party: 0* You stay by her side for awhile, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy: -2* Named Tiffany: -4* Tiffany is a dancer: -6* Tiffany has implants: -8
Saturday Afternoons-------------------* You visit her parents: +1* You visit her parents and actually make conversation: +3* You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television: -3* And the television is off: -6* You spend the day watching college football in your underwear: -6* And you didn't even go to college: -10* And it's not really your underwear: -15
Her Birthday------------* You take her out to dinner: 0* You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar: +1* Okay, it's a sports bar: -2* And it's all-you-can-eat night: -3* It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team: -10* You give her a gift: 0* You give her a gift, and it's a small appliance: -10* You give her a gift, and it's not a small appliance: +1* You give her a gift, and it isn't chocolate: +2* You give her a gift that you'll be paying off for months: +30* You wait until the last minute and buy her a gift that day: -10* With her credit card: -30* And whatever you bought is two sizes too small: -40
Thoughtfulness----------------------* You forgot to pick her up at the bus station: -25* Which is in Newark, New Jersey: -35* And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast: -50
A Night Out With Your Pals----------------------------------------* You have a few beers: -9* For every beer after three: -2 again* And miss curfew by an hour: -12* You get home at 3 a.m.: -20* You get home at 3 a.m. smelling of booze and cheap cigars: -30* And not wearing any pants: -40* Is that a tattoo? -200
A Night Out, Just the Two of You-------------------------------------------------* You go see a comic: +2* He's crude and sexist: -2* You laugh: -5* You laugh too much: -10* She's not laughing: -15* You laugh harder: -25
Driving----------* You lose the directions on a trip: -4* You lose the directions and end up getting lost: -10* You end up getting lost in a bad part of town: -15* You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals up close & personal: -25* She finds out you lied about having a black belt: -60
Communication----------------------* When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen,displaying what looks like a concerned expression: 0* When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes: +5* You listen for more than 30 minutes, without looking at the television or picking up a newspaper: +10* She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep: -10