Kuiz menghibur........

1) Soalan: Sepasang suami isteri,SI isteri mengandung anak sulung dan mengidam hendak memakan daging rusa putih. SI suami yang sayangkan isteri,lalu pergi memburu masuk hutan keluar hutan, naik gunung turun gunung dan dapatlah ia. Apabila anak mereka lahir SI suami memberi nama Siti Nurhailiza. Soalannya. Mengapa Si suami memberi nama anaknya Siti Nurhailiza? Jawapannya
2) Soalan: banyak-banyak air. air apa yg paling berani? Jawapannya
3) Soalan: kalu binatang-binatang buas naik komuter... manusia naik per???? Jawapannya
4) Soalan: APE BENDA BILA DIPOTONG IA TETAP PANJANG ? Jawapannya
5) Soalan: ada 20 ekor babi di dalam sebuah lori... dalam perjalanan ke pusat penyembelihan... lori pergi ke stesen minyak... dua ekor babi tak tahan bau diesel lalu melompat... seterusnya... lori itu berhenti di lampu isyarat... seekor babi melompat kerana tidak sabar menunggu... dan di Simpang Tiga... seekor babi terasa amat panik lalu melompat... berapa ekor babi yang tinggal...? Jawapannya
6) Soalan: babi dan beruk ada seorang kawan iaitu tarzan, apabila tarzan mandi kenapa babi dan beruk gelak? Jawapannya
7) Soalan: orang yang beli tau,  orang yang tau tak pakai,  orang yang pakai tak tau,  apa itu... Jawapannya
8)Soalan: Dalam banyak-banyak lembu, lembu apa yang orang suka cari? Jawapannya
9)Soalan: antara orang perempuan dengan angkasawan perempuan apakah  perbezaan dan persamaannya...? Jawapannya
                                                           
----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Body Language Samy Vellu was visiting India when he fell and broke his jaw and was unable to speak. Being the great leader that he was, he continued his grand tour.
On the last week of his visit, the RTM crew was present for his press conference. Although unable to speak, Samy insisted sending a message home to his Cabinet colleagues.
Samy caught a chicken and showed it to camera. He next took a goat, and showed it to the camera. Finally he took a bag and displayed in front of the camera.
Dr Ling was the first to see the video clips. He said, "Samy is telling us that India has insufficient food because he showed us chicken and goat, and he wants Malaysia to donate bags of rice." The senator watched silently then said, "No lah!...what Samy trying to say is HE IS COMING BACK!!!"
The whole Cabinet was puzzled and look to the man for an explanation.
The Senator reasoned, "AYAM KAMBING BAG!!!" ("I am coming back!!!" in Indian accent)
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Bangla Joke One day, there is an American, one Italian, a Malaysian and a Bangladeshi travel around on a private helicopter. After about one hour travelling, the American take out his cigarette ( Dunhill ) lighted it up and start smoking after two sip, he throw the balance of the cigarette. The others three persons surprise and ask " Why didn't you finish-up the cigarette before throwing ? " He reply arrogantly " there is a lot of cigarette in my country". Half an hour later the Italian take a bottle of branded perfume and apply on him and the rest he throw out of the window. The other three persons was surprised and ask " Why did you throw away the perfume ? ". The Italian reply also "there is alot of perfume in my country" . The Malaysian don't know what to do suddenly push that Bangladeshi out of the helicopter. The other two person was shouted crazyly " Why did you push him !!!!!!!?????? " . The Malaysian say slowly "There is a lot of Bangladeshi in my country ". Everybody keep quite and stay away from the Malaysian.
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Learn Chinese in 5 minutes?
Ai No Pei............ I got this for free Dum Gai ............. Stupid Man Gun Pao Der......... An ancient Chinese invention Hai Dei Kum............ They have arrived Hao Long Wei Ting?........... Has your flight been delayed? Jan Ne Ka Sun.......... A former late night talk show host Kum Hia Nao......... See me A.S.A.P Lao Zi ............... Not very good Moon Lan Ding ........ A great achievement of the NASA program No Pah King........... This is a tow away zone Shai Gai ........... A bashful person Tai Ne Bae Be ........ A premature infant Tai Ni Po Ni ........ Small Horse Wa Shing Ka ........ He's cleaning his automobile Wai Go Nao?......... Please, stay a while longer Wai Hang Mi? ....... I am not guilty Wai So Dim? ......... It's very dark in here Wai U Shao Ting ......... There is no reason to raise your voice Wai Yu Sing Dum Song?........ Do you know the words to the Macarena? Wai Yu So Tan?.......... Did you go to the beach? Yu So Dum ............. You are not very bright Tai Koo Ching ............smelly shit of a cat Tong Sam Pah..............a container to put rubbish in. Hang Gee La .............you are Mad!!! Mah Nya Chan Teik ! .............. Dont be presumptious Chee La Kah Loo..................I am upset Mah Nya Cha Kap...................Big mouth Ta Ble Ku Lang.........................Price is fix. Goh Bek Tu Wok............ Stop sending replies to the joke
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- Nak Kaya by RR 17/04/01 ---------------------- Ini adalah kisah benar yang telah diceritakan sendiri oleh (Nama samaran Mamat) kepada wartawan Variasari. Sewaktu si mamat dalam perjalanan manaiki kereta untuk pulang ke KL daripada JB melalui lebuhraya, beliau berhenti rehat di salah sebuah hentian. Sewaktu berehat maka datanglah kepadanya seorang tua yang berpakaian agak compang-camping lalu menegurnya, "Anak nak ke mana?". Si mamat menjawab ringkas, "KL" Orang tua itu bertanya lagi, "Boleh pakcik tumpang sampai ke Pagoh" dan dijawab oleh si mamat tadi "Ehm... bolehlah." Lantas orang tua itu masuk dan duduk di dalam keretanya. Dalam hati si mamat berkata, "Hai, siapalah orang tua nii, orang ke atau ???" Beliau meneruskan perjalanannya. Sebaik menghampiri Pagoh, orang tua tadi bertanya, "Anak nak kaya tak?" Si mamat tersentak dan berkata dalam hati, "Dah buat dah orang tua ni. Nak bagi aku kaya pulak. Orang tua ni nak bagi aku nombor kot. Atau nak menguji aku?" Si mamat pun jawab, "Tak apalah pakcik, hidup sederhanapun cukup. Kalau kaya nanti lupa diri pulak" Orang tua tu tak bertanya lagi. Dalam hati si mamat berkata mungkin jawapannya adalah yang terbaik takut-takut itu hanya ujian daripada orang tua tadi. Kemudian orang tua tu tanya lagi, "Anak nak kaya tak?" Si mamat jawab serupa yang tadi, "Tak apalah pakcik, saya lebih senang hidup sederhana". Bila sampai di Pagoh, orang tua itu minta diturunkan lalu berkata, "Tu, pakcik ada tinggalkan satu tin kaya cap Yeo's untuk anak sebagai tanda terima kasih kerana tumpangkan pakcik. Terima kasih, ya nak." lalu orang tua tu turun dari kereta. Si mamat tersipu-sipu malu lalu menjawab, "Terima kasihlah pakcik" lalu meneruskan perjalanan. Pengajaran dari cerita tadi, kalau orang bagi kaya minta dia roti sekali. Itulah ceritanya..... --------------------------------------------------------------------- Ah Soh ---------by MA 20/04/01 Be careful...... There was this case in the hospital's Intensive Care ward where patients always died in the same bed and on Friday mornings regardless of their medical conditions. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had to do with the supernatural. So the doctors decide to go down to that particular ward to investigate the cause of the incidents. Come Friday morning, everyone at the hospital ward nervously waited for the terrible phenomenon to occur again. Some holding prayer books and other holy objects to ward off evils... Just before the expected time........... ................... ................... .....scroll down .............. ................... ................... ................... ................... ................... ................... ................... Scroll down for what happened..... Then Ah Soh, the part-time Friday cleaner, comes in and unplugs the lifesupport system so that she can use the vacuum cleaner!!!! ------------------------------------------------------ Nama-nama pilihan (JAWA)--by PO - 25/04/2001 Berikut diturunkan beberapa nama nama pilihan orang Jawa: 1. Harap©÷ besar esok akan pandai tanam bunga, diberikan nama Rosman. 2. pandai membaiki kereta, namakan Karman 3. average dalam golf, Parman 4. pandai dlm penulisan, Suratman 5. gagah perkasa, Suparman 6. boleh mendengar sambil berjalan, Wakiman 7. selalu bertanya, Azman (loghat jawa bunyi Asman) 8. pandai buat kuih, Paiman 9. pakar jualan, Salman 10. pakar pasal alam sekitar, JASman 11. pandai melukis, tulis sajak, nyanyi lagu, Saniman 12. doktor gigi, Sugiman 13. supaya cepat naik pangkat, Yasman 14. Bakal kaki pukul dan dera orang, Deraman 15. yang ada darah Bengali, Manbai 16. pandai organise skim cepat kaya, Pakman (Te' Lo) ada lagii... 17. Buat kerja ala kadar -KADARISMAN 18. Suka bagi orang susah-SUKARMAN 19. Suka mengada-ngada -NGADIMAN 20. Dua alam -HERMAN 21. Paling Haprak - KOMAN 22. Kalau yang kuat berlawan - Ultraman 23. suka makan makanan Jepun - Sukiman --------------------------------------------------- You're next.......from: Radzi...date:12/6/01 When I was younger I hated going to weddings.... it seemed that all of my aunts and the grand-motherly types used to come up to me, poking me in the ribs and giggling, telling me, 'You're Next.' They stopped that shit after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals. -------------------------------------------------------------------- KAREKTOR MANUSIA BERDASARKAN KENTUTNYA......from Radzi...date: 25/5/01 1. Orang TIDAK JUJUR Orang yang kalau kentut lalu menyalahkan orang lain. 2. Orang BANGANG Orang yang menahan kentutnya sampai berjam-jam. 3. Orang BERWAWASAN LUAS Orang yang tahu bila harus kentut. 4. Orang SENGSARA Orang yang ingin kentut tapi tidak boleh kentut. 5. Orang MISTERIUS Orang yang kalau kentut, orang lain tidak ada yang tahu. 6. Orang GUGUP Orang yang tiba-tiba menahan kentutnya bila tiba masa nak kentut. 7. Orang yang PERCAYA DIRI SENDIRI Orang yang selalu mengira kalau kentutnya bau harum. 8. Orang SADIS Orang yang kalau kentut di ranjang terus dikibaskan baunya ke ranjang orang lain. 9. Orang PEMALU Orang yang kalau kentut tidak bunyi tapi lalu merasa malu sendiri. 10.Orang yang STRATEGIK Orang yang menyembunyikan kentutnya dengan tertawa terbahak-bahak biar orang lain tidak dengar. 11.Orang BODOH Orang yang kalau habis kentut menghirup nafas untuk mengganti kentutnya yang keluar. 12.Orang PELIK Orang yang kalau kentut di keluarkan sikit- sikit,sampai bunyi "tit-tit-tit" 13.Orang SOMBONG Orang yang sering mencium kentutnya sendiri 14.Orang RAMAH Orang yang senang mencium kentutnya orang lain. 15.Orang yang tidak senang BERGAUL Orang yang kalau kentut sembunyi. 16.Orang AKUATIK Orang kalau kentut di dalam air sampai bunyi "blekuthuk-blekuthuk" 17.Orang ATLETIK Orang kalau kentut sambil mengeluarkan tenaga dalam. 18.Orang JUJUR Orang yang mengaku kalau habis kentut 19.Orang PINTAR Orang yang boleh menandai bau kentut orang lain. Nak tambah... 20. Orang MALANG Orang yang nak kentut tapi terkeluar taik.... Cerita krew TV3 - by ARO 12/12/2000 --------------- Replay untuk yang dah pernah dengar.......read on Ini cerita krew TV3 untuk episod jejak rasul. Tiba di satu perkampungan di selatan Yaman, kereta pacuan 4 roda mereka tiba-tiba mati. Sebabnya minyak habis. Oleh kerana pada waktu itu jurubahasa tak ada, maka cakap arab pun ikut yang ingat aje. Beberapa orang kampung pun datang nak tolong. Seorang krew TV3 berkata sambil menepuk bonet kereta "Engine - Innalillahhiwainalillahiroji'un ". Seorang lagi krew TV3 berkata sambil menunjuk lubang tangki minyak " Petrol - Sodaqallah hul azim". Pening semua pak Arab tu. ---------------------------------------------------------- Tersesat- by AA 13/12/2000 -------- Lanjutan dari Joke Yaman semalam, aku ada satu lagi version. Kali ni its happen in Makkah. Satu hari sorang pak cik jalan dengan bini dia di lorong kota Makkah, al-mukarramah dan nak jadikan cerita dia tersesat dan tak tau jalan nak balik hotel. Nak tanya pak arab, dia tak tau cakap arab. Pikir punya pikir dia pun teringat satu kelas tafsir yang dia pernah ikut.... Dia pun tanya pak arab ni... " Ana fi dhala limmubin " (terjemahan - Saya dalam kesesatan yang nyata..) Dia sambung lagi " Ih dinassira thal mustaqim " (terjemahan - Tunjukkan kami jalan yang lurus..) pak arab tu pun tepuk dahi... MasyaAllah.... ----------------------------------------------------------- Chewing Gum - by AA 18/12/2000------------ Do you know the reason why Singapore government restricts the citizens not to buy chewing gum? Here is the story. One day Lee Kwan Yew went to Thailand and had lobster at the dinner with the Thai King. After Lee finished, he asked the King: Lee : Your Highness, what can you do with this lobster skin? King: We cannot do anything with it, we just throw away. Lee : Oh, no. In our country, we send it to the factory and produce some prawn cracker. Then Lee had an orange. After he finished, he asked the King. Lee : What can you do with the orange skin? King: We cannot do anything. We just throw away. Lee : Oh, no. In Singapore, we send it to the factory and produce some orange jam. Then Lee asked for some chewing gum. After he finished, he put on the plate and asked the King. Lee : What can you do with the chewing gum? King: Oh, no. We just throw it away. Lee : In Singapore, we send it to the factory and produce condoms and send it to Thailand. Lee said good bye to the King and the King asked Lee. King: What can you do with the condom when you finish using it? Lee : We cannot do anything. We throw it away. King: In Thailand when we finish using the condom, we send it to the factory to produce chewing gum and send it back to Singapore. --------------------------------------------------------- Who's the Boss? - by MSO 19/12/2000 When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, "I should be Boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions." The feet said, " We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go." The hands said, " We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money." And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work. Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered. Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit! Moral of the story: You don't need brains to be a Boss - any asshole will do. ----------------------------------------------------------- satu lagi joke Lee Kuan yew:- by MSO 19/12/2000 When the construction of the 2nd Link Bridge from Johore to S'pore was about to complete, Mahadir and Lee Kuan Yew invited Gus Dur to fish on the new bridge. After some time, all of them did not catch a single fish. So, suspecting something 'fishy', the three leaders asked the divers from their own Navy to check why the fish were not biting. After diving and checking underwater for few hours, then the Chief diver from Indonesia told Gus Dur: ' All the fish know it was you. They thought that you're asleep and not interested in fishing' Next the Chief diver from Malaysia told Mahadir: "All the fish know it was you, So they went for hunger strike" Lastly, the Chief diver from Singapore told Lee Kuan Yew: 'All the fish know it was you. So they are afraid to open up their mouth" ------------------------------------------------------------ Lain sikit... - by PO 19/12/2000 How to say I Love You in 100 Languages !!! English - I love you Afrikaans - Ek het jou lief Albanian - Te dua Arabic - Ana behibak (to male) Arabic - Ana behibek (to female) Armenian - Yes kez sirumen Bambara - M'bi fe Bangla - Aamee tuma ke bhalo aashi Belarusian - Ya tabe kahayu Bisaya - Nahigugma ako kanimo Bulgarian - Obicham te Cambodian - Soro lahn nhee ah Cantonese Chinese - Ngo oiy ney a Catalan - T'estimo Cheyenne - Ne mohotatse Chichewa - Ndimakukonda Corsican - Ti tengu caru (to male) Creol - Mi aime jou Croatian - Volim te Czech - Miluji te Danish - Jeg Elsker Dig Dutch - Ik hou van jou Esperanto - Mi amas vin Estonian - Ma armastan sind Ethiopian - Afgreki' Faroese - Eg elski teg Farsi - Doset daram Filipino - Mahal kita Finnish - Mina rakastan sinua French - Je t'aime, Je t'adore Gaelic - Ta gra agam ort Georgian - Mikvarhar German - Ich liebe dich Greek - S'agapo Gujarati - Hoo thunay prem karoo choo Hiligaynon - Palangga ko ikaw Hawaiian - Aloha wau ia oi Hebrew - Ani ohev otah (to female) Hebrew - Ani ohev et otha (to male) Hiligaynon - Guina higugma ko ikaw Hindi - Hum Tumhe Pyar Karte hae Hmong - Kuv hlub koj Hopi - Nu' umi unangwa'ta Hungarian - Szeretlek Icelandic - Eg elska tig Ilonggo - Palangga ko ikaw Indonesian - Saya cinta padamu Inuit - Negligevapse Irish - Taim i' ngra leat Italian - Ti amo Japanese - Aishiteru Kannada - Naanu ninna preetisuttene Kapampangan - Kaluguran daka Kiswahili - Nakupenda Konkani - Tu magel moga cho Korean - Sarang Heyo Latin - Te amo Latvian - Es tevi miilu Lebanese - Bahibak Lithuanian - Tave myliu Malay - Saya cintakan mu / Aku cinta padamu Malayalam - Njan Ninne Premikunnu Mandarin Chinese - Wo ai ni Marathi - Me tula prem karto Mohawk - Kanbhik Moroccan - Ana moajaba bik Nahuatl - Ni mits neki Navaho - Ayor anosh'ni Norwegian - Jeg Elsker Deg Pandacan - Syota na kita!! Pangasinan - Inaru Taka Papiamento - Mi ta stimabo Persian - Doo-set daaram Pig Latin - Iay ovlay ouyay Polish - Kocham Ciebie Portuguese - Eu te amo Romanian - Te ubesk Russian - Ya tebya liubliu Scot Gaelic - Tha gra\dh agam ort Serbian - Volim te Setswana - Ke a go rata Sign Language - ,\,,/ (represents position of fingers when signing'I Love You') Sindhi - Maa tokhe pyar kendo ahyan Sioux - Techihhila Slovak - Lu`bim ta Slovenian - Ljubim te Spanish - Te quiero / Te amo Swahili - Ninapenda wewe Swedish - Jag alskar dig Swiss-German - Ich lieb Di Tagalog - Mahal kita Taiwanese - Wa ga ei li Tahitian - Ua Here Vau Ia Oe Tamil - Nan unnai kathalikaraen Telugu - Nenu ninnu premistunnanu Thai - Chan rak khun (to male) Thai - Phom rak khun (to female) Turkish - Seni Seviyorum Ukrainian - Ya tebe kahayu Urdu - mai aap say pyaar karta hoo Vietnamese - Anh ye^u em (to female) Vietnamese - Em ye^u anh (to male) Welsh - 'Rwy'n dy garu Yiddish - Ikh hob dikh Yoruba - Mo ni fe ----------------------------------------------------------- Ini kisah dua orang fanatik PAS & Umno. - by ARO 19/12/2000 Kedua-dua orang ni tak boleh jumpa, mesti bergaduh. Masing-masing kata dia yang lebih Islamic. Mat Umno tu cabar, kalau betul PAS tu benar, mana bukti dalam Qur'an yang ada sebut PAS. Pakcik PAS tu cakap, "memanglah tak ada ". Mat Umno tu dengan bangga bercakap, "Dalam Qur'an ada sebut, Ya aiyuhallazi na Amanu. Maknanya wahai orang-orang Umno". Pakcik PAS tu mengucap panjang, "memang sah orang Umno ni tak sekolah agama". ----------------------------------------------------------- Ini kisah Samy Vellu dgn Indian Contractor: Replay. - by ARO 19/12/2000 Masa jambatan Pulau Pinang dalam peringkat cadangan - Confidential, Samy Vellu dah pecah lubang kat Indian Contractor from Tamil Nadu. So, dia bawak Indian Contractor tu jumpa Dr. M. Dr. M tanya teknik macamana yang depa nak pakai untuk buat jambatan tu. Samy Vellu menyampuk, katanya "They will have two construction teams, one will construct from the island and one from the main land and the bridge should meet at the middle. It is faster and very latest technology, sir". Dr. M kurang yakin dan bertanya lagi, "If they miss the alignment and never meet at the middle, what will happen". At this point the Indian Contractor menyampuk, "You are lucky sir, you will get two bridges". ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Kisah Tok Batin sombong.... - by ARO 19/12/2000 ------------------------------ Seorang askar rejimen PPH berjumpa dengan Tok Batin. Mereka mula bersembang pasal makanan, dari makanan kampung sampailah ke makanan western. Tok Batin tu tak mengaku kalah, tiap-tiap makanan yang diceritakan oleh askar tu semuanya dia dah try.
Mula-mula cerita pasal KFC, "Tu shaya dah terai dah, shedap....." Lepas tu cerita pasal Pizza Hut, "Tu shaya dah terai dah, shedap....." Lepas tu MOS Burger, "Tu pun shaya dah terai dah, shedap....."
At this point, askar tu dah syak Tok Batin ni nak temberangkan dia. Dia nak mengenakan Tok Batin tu pulak. Askar tu tanya, "Tok Batin pernah makan kari kepala ikan ?". "Tu pun shaya dah terai dah, shedap....."
Askar tu tanya lagi, "Tok Batin pernah makan kepala keretapi ?". "Tu pun shaya dah terai dah, shedap....." --------------------------------------------------------------------------------